3 Days To Go

I am leaving on July 14th. It is getting closer every day. Right now I am battling a nasty sinus infection as a result of my procrastination. I knew I had it, just didn’t want to take the time to go see a doctor. Then I was explaining to my friend one day that I was sure I had a brain tumor, but I didn’t want to go to the doctor, because they would make me cancel my trip. She inquired about my symptoms. I told her I was having head aches and my teeth hurt. She looked at me like I was a dunce or a looney tunes. We both suffer from sinus infections and both know the symptoms. She asked me politely, as though she was dealing with a possibly dangerous mentally disturbed person, “Do you think it might be a sinus infection?” Well, no, of course not, that would not be nearly dramatic enough. Sometimes I crack myself up. 

I have been healthy for ages, without a sign of a sniffle. It’s just a little disconcerting to get sick right before getting on an airplane and leaving the country. I am taking antibiotics so hopefully I will get well, but also so that by the time I travel I won’t be infecting anyone on the plane.

I also think I am having a little separation anxiety. I was driving the other evening and thought, I feel like I’m not coming home from this Camino. Now the only way I can imagine that I would not come home was if I died, or got kidnapped by a band of gypsies and taken to exotic places. Hmmm, that one doesn’t sound so bad. Anyway, back from my musings, I haven’t been excited like I have in the past when I was leaving for long visits to Spain and other places. Usually I’m like a kid going to Disneyland, just jumping out of my skin with excitement. And I haven’t experience that yet.

I thought maybe I’ve been spending too much time reading a Facebook page of people who have done the Camino answering questions and telling stories to people who haven’t done the Camino. there’s a lot of useful information, but also a lot of fear mongering about bed bugs, blisters, snoring, bag rattling waking you up too early, wild dogs, theft, etc. I’ve done the Camino and had little or no problem with any of that. Did lose my headlamp at one point, and I believe it was stolen, but it wasn’t a big deal. I lost more things than that myself. The only dogs I saw were chained, fenced in, asleep or so small their jaws wouldn’t have fit around my big toe. I never heard anyone snore. I heard bags rattling in the morning, but it was usually 5 am, so I just got up. I’m an early riser anyway. I saw two bed bugs on a walls, but never had a personal encounter or served as their meal. But I found myself worrying about all these things and thinking maybe I was just lucky the first time and all these things will happen to me.

But I don’t think it is any of those things. I think I am going to miss my friends and family and my home more than I ever had before. And actually, this is a good thing. I am more attached here than I have ever been. I feel that I love and am loved here more than I have ever felt it before. And I’m able to accept love without argument for the first time I can remember. I believe that this is, at least in part, a result or part of what happened to me as a result of walking the Camino last year. So it will be sad leaving, but I also believe the Camino has contributed to many of the changes I am experiencing and I look forward to getting into it at a deeper level. Besides which it will be a grand adventure! I am starting to get excited.